The Truth About Goal Setting

A goal is about what you want, and also what you don't want

Photo Credit to Susan Wilkinson on Unsplash

Let's take a minute to talk about car engines. Stick with me, I promise I have a point.

So a car engine is a complicated but predictable thing which uses certain processes to create energy which is converted to make your car work. And unfortunately for most of us, we have felt the dread when an unusual sound or 'feeling' presents itself and we know something is wrong with the car. We don't know exactly what it is, but we can kind of identify maybe where it's coming from or describe a symptom, but we don't know the cause. And because we are not mechanics, 9 times out of 10, the actual problem is some part or system we didn't even know about.

No it wasn't the battery, it was the alternator which charges the battery. The symptom was a dead battery, the cause was the system which charges the battery as you drive.

No it wasn't an engine issue causing all of that noise, it was an oil pump which feeds the hydraulic valve lifters causing the valves in the engine to not lift correctly. The symptom was a noisy engine, the cause was low oil pressure.

So what the heck does all of this have to do with goal setting??

Photo credit to Ronnie Overgoor on Unsplash

Well let's think of what we normally do. We set goals like this:

• I want to lose weight

• I want to make more money

• I want to travel more

Ok. But do you understand why you are overweight to begin with? Being overweight is the result of many things. It can be caused by the things you do or have done, it can be caused by medical conditions, and it can be caused by a combination of personal and environmental factors. But we say: Lose weight. Heck, all you have to do is less calories in than out right?? How's that working out for you?

So if we take the example of the car engine above, you might swap out your battery and realize that wasn't the solution. Then you might swap out the alternator or starter and realize that those things were not the problem. And on and on. More time. More money. No result.

Would it even be acceptable to go to a garage and pay for the mechanics to just try a bunch of stuff that cost time and money without diagnosing the actual issue? Never.

But that's exactly what we do with our goal setting.

In life, we believe that we should set goals with an end point in mind, and then we just get to it. But shouldn't we take the time to really understand 'why' we want those goals? And shouldn't we spend a ridiculous amount of time pursuing the smaller parts of those goals and seeing if they actually serve us and our greater vision?

So let's go back to 'lose weight.'

Photo credit to Siora Photography on Unsplash

Why do you want to lose weight? Is it to feel better in your own skin? Do you have pain and want to try and eliminate that? Do you want to be a role model for your kids? It's important to identify why this goal is something that's important enough to you to make it a priority. And once you have done that, you really need to spend time on the cause, not the current reality.

So maybe the first goal you set is to go to a doctor and rule out any health issues. Like the mechanic with the engine, you need some serious diagnostics before wasting time and money 'fixing' the problem.

There is no pill, needle or vitamin that will fix this unilaterally. Don't waste time, energy and money fixing things which don't deal with the actual underlying issue.

Also... Don't forget to consider that you have control over other factors that hurt your goals.

Goal: I want to make $100,000

Do you want to make 100K, or is the actual goal to feel comfortable? So if it's to feel comfortable, can you reduce your monthly expenses and make less money and feel the same way? Don't just tackle what you lack, but also what might be in your way.

A good example of this comes from the airline industry. For an aircraft, fuel is very important until there are some kinds of emergencies...then they have to dump fuel because being too heavy is dangerous for their recovery. In that case, they jettison the fuel and lighten up to get back to the ground safely. So don't just consider what you need, but also what you don't need depending on the situation.

What part of goal setting are you in?

Do you need to take things on board, or do you need to lighten up? Do you need to make more money, or do you need to pare down your expenses? Do you need to lose weight, or do you need to address underlying mental health or self esteem issues which cause you to overeat?

Should you make a goal like; Lose weight? Or should you make a goal like: Maintain or weigh less next year than I do this year? After all, you may have gained weight slowly, over many years. Give yourself the grace to also lose weight slowly and reasonably over many years. Furthermore, as we get older, just maintaining your weight may be a major victory considering the physical and metabolic changes that may cause you to gain weight as you age.

Only you know what makes sense for you. Just don't set yourself up for failure and a shame spiral.

In the end, not diagnosing or researching the causes of where you are means you will never fully understand or be successful in where you want to go. That's part of the journey. Hey...it took a long time for all of us to be exactly where we are, so it's going to take a while to make the lasting changes we want.

So start.

You've got this.

© Intentionally Unfocused 2025